Recognizing and Understanding Narcissistic Abuse:

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most confusing and emotionally draining experiences a person can go through—especially when the narcissist is covert. Unlike the loud, boastful, or obviously self-centered narcissist, the covert narcissist hides behind humility, sensitivity, kindness, or helplessness. Their tactics are subtle, often invisible to outsiders, and can leave their partner, friend, or family member doubting their own intuition and sense of reality.

Understanding the traits, behaviors, and emotional patterns associated with narcissism can help you recognize red flags early, protect yourself, and begin healing from the psychological impact.

What Narcissism Actually Is—and What It Isn’t

“Narcissism” has become a casual buzzword, but not everyone with narcissistic tendencies is a narcissist. Most people express occasional self-centered behaviors, emotional immaturity, or defensiveness when stressed. This is normal.

A true narcissist displays a consistent pattern of the following:

• A lack of empathy

• Entitlement

• Manipulation

• Exploitative behaviors

• A fragile ego hidden behind defensiveness or superiority

• A constant need for admiration or control

Narcissistic traits only become a disorder when they create harm, distortion, and emotional damage in relationships.

The Covert Narcissist: The Hidden Manipulator

Covert narcissists differ from the classic “overt” type. Their tactics are quiet, indirect, and often disguised as emotional sensitivity.

Common patterns include:

• Playing the victim to gain sympathy or avoid accountability

• Quiet rage, passive aggression, or silent treatment

• Emotional withdrawal used as punishment

• Sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or subtle put-downs

• Hyper-sensitivity to criticism

• Feigning innocence, confusion, or hurt when confronted

• Self-neglect or martyrdom to guilt or control others

They often appear shy, spiritual, self-aware, or introverted—yet behind the scenes, they operate with the same entitlement and emotional exploitation as overt narcissists.

Why Psychic or Highly Sensitive People Are Easy Targets

People with psychic abilities, strong intuition, or heightened empathy naturally “feel” others deeply. This can become overwhelming in close relationships. What many people don’t understand is that those with psychic or empathic gifts often intentionally block or shut down their senses around people they love—out of respect, ethics, and boundaries.

This is often misinterpreted as:
“Why can you read strangers but not me?”
Read the Blog here for a deeper dive.

The truth is simple:
Psychic and intuitive people avoid “reading” those closest to them because it feels like a violation of privacy.

Narcissists, especially covert ones, sense this hesitancy and may use it to manipulate or exploit your empathy.

Common Tactics Narcissists Use

Narcissistic abuse often involves specific patterns of control. Some of the most common include:

1. Gaslighting

Making you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity.

2. Projection

Accusing you of things they are doing.

3. Triangulation

Using other people, opinions, or comparisons to create insecurity or competition.

4. Emotional Withholding

Silence, stonewalling, or refusal to discuss issues.

5. Love Bombing and Devaluation

Intense affection followed by coldness, criticism, or cruelty.

6. The “Hero/Victim” Swap

Switching between savior and helpless martyr roles to manipulate emotions.

7. Withholding Finances or Money

This is an extremely common but under-discussed tactic, especially in covert narcissistic dynamics.
Financial withholding can look like:

• Controlling access to shared money

• Creating financial dependence

• Refusing to contribute or sabotaging stability

• Punishing you by withholding funds

• Insisting on making all financial decisions

• Monitoring or criticizing your spending

This form of abuse is powerful because it restricts your freedom, confidence, and ability to leave.

Financial control is emotional control.

8. Smear Campaigns

Quietly spreading misinformation about you to others.

9. Stalking & Harassment

While not all covert narcissists exhibit this behavior, some may resort to stalking, monitoring, or ongoing harassment when they feel rejected, exposed, or deprived of control. This can show up as repeatedly checking a person’s social media, showing up uninvited, contacting friends or family for information, or sending excessive messages. These behaviors are rooted in entitlement, fear of abandonment, and an inability to accept boundaries. In more severe cases, stalking and harassment are forms of intimidation used to regain power or emotional dominance.

How to Protect Yourself

• Set firm, non-negotiable boundaries

• Trust patterns, not apologies

• Document abusive behavior if needed

• Limit access to your emotional vulnerabilities

• Regain financial independence wherever possible

• Seek support from therapy, community, or spiritual grounding practices

Remember: you cannot heal a narcissist, love them into self-awareness, or change their patterns. You can only protect yourself.

Recognizing narcissistic abuse—especially covert abuse—is both painful and empowering. You are not imagining it, you are not “too sensitive,” and you are not the problem. With understanding and awareness, you can reclaim your emotional freedom, rebuild your trust in your intuition, and step into relationships that nourish rather than drain your spirit.

Read the next Blog in this Series

Healing After Narcissistic Abuse: Understanding the Trauma and Reclaiming Yourself